Ok, I am sharing something kind of personal with you ladies this evening. Here it goes....I recently became a member of chemistry.com. I'm not proud but I want to get married some day and have little blond babies so I had to make a move. It is very hard to meet men in DC - they tend to be a little career obsessed. I do not enjoy meeting men at bars and, in general, I don't really even like going to bars. In my previous line of work (interior design) I was unlikely to meet any (straight) men and I now work at a super small firm with 3 other people so I'm unlikely to meet anyone there. I'm a little on the shy side and generally have a hard time meeting boys. So, there's my excuse. Now to my question - should I continue with this? I have to admit that I've been less than enthusiastic about the majority of men who have shown interest in me. Granted, I have been on it less than a month but still... If I go through all the 'steps'(there are two steps before open communication) and then the guy doesn't make the move to email me, should I email him? I'm an old-fashioned girl but I just don't know! Should I try eHarmony or Match instead? Should I give it all up and listen to my married girlfriends - the ones who say "Love always happen when you stop looking." Is this really true? Help me out ladies!
12 comments:
I think I could have written a very similar post about being traditional and shy and not liking bars etc. I'm not yet feeling the marriage pressure (although I know some people getting married and that is absolutely freaking me out that I am old enough to get married and be a real adult!) so I don't have any advice - sorry.
I agree though that I wouldn't be thrilled to be on one of those websites. Maybe your married friends could step it up and try to introduce you to the people they know...although yeah, it happens when you're not trying to find it.
Good luck!
well first of all since you aren't doing the traditional dating thing, i think it would be totally ok for you to send the first email. i think that this is very brave of you! i would be way too intimidated to do it! also, even if you don't find the love of your life you could always make some great friends (who could introduce you to the future love of your life!!) let us know how it goes!
As someone who has tried the DC dating scene, I agree with the online approach. Although it doesn't make the guys any less career-focused, or any less self-involved.
I did Match.com and found a bunch of losers. Don't waste your money. What about getting involved with an intramural sports team, or something like that?
I was going to suggest Match.com (my friend met a great guy--career-focused, but great!), but Jessica's post suggests that was the exception rather than the rule. I found love when I was NOT looking for it (in fact, I was TRYING to be single!), but in the post-collage years, where there aren't as many non-bar options, I think online sites can be a great resource!
A few of my close girl friends are using eHarmony, and they have had a lot of success.
I see nothing wrong with internet dating. Things are changing, and think this is becoming more and more mainstream each passing minute.
I think internet dating is becoming more and more common so I don't think there's anything "wrong" with it; the question is are you comfortable with it? I have some friends who have used dating sites and some have found serious boyfriends but some have just disliked the whole thing. I will say, though, as someone who was doing the big city thing (NYC) I felt the same as you - all the men were self centered and career obsessed. However (and you're not going to like this) I met my husband when I was least expecting it and it just worked out!
When I lived in DC I did eharmony and had a ball. I treated it like a game each day. I also (and keep this just between us girls please) would copy and save my answers to the questions so that I could re-use them. I've never looked at Chemistry but with Eharmony, you have to pick from a set list of questions to ask each other. So I saved answers in a word doc to re-use (copy, paste!) when they would appear again from the next guy. It was a great time saver. But shhhh- don't tell anyone, OK? :)
Oh and I actually think eharmony and match and the like are safer ways to meet someone than in a bar. At least you have some background and the ability to google them before you meet in person. In a bar (and I so agree- not my cup of tea either), you have no way to prove what they are saying.
Hmmm...maybe I should try this again myself....
I met my husband on yahoo personals. I was 26, tired of the dating scene/all the games and did it for fun to see what would happen. I NEVER thought I would be the girl to meet my future husband this way. I think you should give match or eHarmony (or Yahoo) a shot. I also don't see anything wrong with making contact.
I would also suggest getting involved in events in the city and having friends introduce you to their male friends.
I am sure that you will meet a great guy!
I think there is nothing wrong with internet dating. I am totally with you on the awful DC dating scene.
Some of my friends say stop looking and you find someone. Others say they pursued the guys they liked. So confusing! I find that most of the girls who say the first thing don't actually mean it-they were single for like 2 weeks before finding someone new!
i'm on match, but my firm did work with chemistry.
people are busy, I think this is teh future
Came over from another blog and had to comment :) My husband and I met 4 years ago online, and once we started corresponding thru email, I knew there must be something wrong, he couldn't possibly be single and perfect for me ;) April 12th will be our one year wed anniv. and we're expecting a handsome baby boy any day now! I have to say, give it a chance, what do you have to lose ;) In my case, it was definitely worth it! GOOD LUCK!
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