Friday, March 20, 2009

What's wrong with that?


I would like to initiate a topic of discussion among you, my fabulous followers. I had an experience today that I believe warrants a whole posting. I was having a discussion with another woman - 35 years of age - and we came upon a topic that is somewhat controversial. We were discussing career/life goals and I expressed my supreme desire to one day be a stay-at-home Mom. Let's just say that this woman's response was less than friendly. As soon as I said it, I got what I perceived as a cold physical response as if to say, "That's all?" Now, I am not saying that I would never go back to work or that I would never work part-time, but I believe that children need a parent at home with them, especially when they're young. If I am lucky enough to marry a man who makes a good enough living so that I did not have to work, I would most definitely stay home with my young children. Personally, I don't really understand the point of having children only to see them an hour a day. My Mom was a stay-at-home Mom and I know for a fact that my brother and I would not be as wonderful as we are had it not been for her. ;) Now, I understand that not every person is fortunate enough to have the option to stay home, nor does every woman want to stay home. To the women that want to continue to work I say - more power to you! I just don't appreciate the judgment I've received on several occasions from those who think women choose to stay home because they're lazy and just don't want to work. No! I want to experience every second of my unborn blond baby's life! So, that's all I have for you. Excuse me while I climb down off my soap box. I decided to write about this not only because of my frustration, but because I would love to hear from you - other women! What are your thoughts?

14 comments:

All-American Preppy said...

I would like to stay at home with my kids someday too and I have encountered many people who unfortunately cannot understand why I would want to do that. I personally think staying home and raising good kids is the most honorable job a woman can have, but I also understand that it can be too difficult financially for many women, especially in this economy! I also agree with you (and was saying this very same thing to my husband this morning!) that it seems pointless to have children if you never see them. But to each his own. And that's why women who don't want to stay at home with their kids should respect the choice of women who DO want to be stay at home moms.

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

That's my #1 dream too. I didn't have a stay at home mom- actually I was raised primarily by my father- who of course worked full time. But I feel your pain. For most of my life I never wanted to be a mother. You would fall over from the mean things people have to say about that sentiment. People are cruel without meaning to be sometimes.

preppyplayer said...

Well, I have always been a stay at home Mom. However I always had little side business' or jobs. Such as I teach skiing at a hill so my kids can ski for free and learn to snowboard cuz I can't teach them that :)

I have no regrets and do not feel less than because I chose to stay home with my children. I also do not judge anyone for choosing to work rather than be home with their kids. I do feel sorry for them though... it goes so fast and you will never ever get that time back. I haven't ever heard someone in their seventies say they wish they had worked more... but I have heard them say that they wish they had spent more time with family.

Ok, I'm off my soap box now!

I would reccomend if you can afford it, to stay home and I speak from experience :)

Katherine said...

I am torn between wanting to be a stay at home mom and the feeling (brought on by just those type of ppl you taled about) that being a stay at home mom is, I don't know...a failure, not successful? I grew up with a mother that worked all the time and I know first hand how much it can suck to have babysitters and such to watch after you all the time. I think that in my own life, what will suit me best, is to work full time until I have children and then take some time off until they start school. I'm fortunate in that my mom will be able to watch my children so I don't have to have a stranger do it.

I hate that being a full time mother has become something that carries with it a negative association. I totally agree with you that there is no more important a job than to be a wonderful, available mother!

Sweet Bea said...

I agree that people shouldn't judge you for wanting to stay at home with your kids...but at the same time, people also shouldn't judge you for having kids and wanting to work. It happens just as much...and I'd wager that there is no worse insult that making a woman feel like a bad mother because they choose to work. Let's remember the knife cuts both ways...

Sweet Carolina Bride said...

I agree 100% with you! I hope to be a stay-at-home mom when my husband and I decide to have kids. I would honestly like to get into consulting so I can have the best of both worlds. My mom was a stay-at-home mom and I agree that it's so important! There were so many things I would have missed out on otherwise.

Love your blog!

Jackie said...

Hi, I saw your post on Sweet Bea's "reads" and clicked over.

Now that I am married and the prospect of staying at home may be in my future, my feelings about this topic seem to have changed. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom and was obsessed with having a job and not letting children run my life, but now I think I want to be home with my future children. My mom stayed at home with my brother and I, and now I can't imagine doing anything different than what she did. A small part of me still feels like I wouldn't be completely satisfied with that. To be honest, I think it may be because I would feel inferior to power moms or something. So ridiculous, but I guess that is what is wrong with me. I think this also links back to how people can be so judgmental about doing something different than what they do. Okay, I'm rambling.

Luckily I work in a school, so perhaps once my future children were in school I could go back and still be able to spend lots of time with them. While they are young, though, I definitely plan to be at home with them.

jane in the waiting line said...

I would love to be a house mom! Volunteer, make sure my children have an amazing life. People are just ignorant sometimes, and so judgmental. I plan to work for a while, but if I can be a stay at home mom, yes please!

ms. mindless said...

hey there! just found your blog today!

i really want to be a stay at home mom, at last while my kids are young. i feel very blessed to be marrying a man who wants to make this happen for out future family. my mom stayed at home with me for 3 years but went back to work less than a year after my sister was born because my dad started a business and she says that it is one of her biggest regrets in life.

the stay at home v. working mom debate is such a tricky one. i wish people would reserve judgment on others' life choices but i think it is a debate that will never end. to each her own!

stacilynfeldman said...

i'm a current career girl, but i hope in a few years, i'll have worked my way up enough, that i can work from home, or part-time. i have such a similar mind-set that i couldn't bear to miss all those special moments with my (not-yet-conceived) children, and i wouldn't want them to not have me there. good for you for sticking up for your hopes & dreams!

Worthington said...

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a Stay At Home mother if it is affordable. My Mother put her fashion career on hold to be a stay at home mother to my brother and I for 8 years! She went back to work in fashion right after I turned 4 and my brother turned 8. You are certainly allotted your opinion! I am so sorry that someone is using the bad rep of OctoMom to ruin other good women's opportunities!!!

SPG said...

I think the same like you. Children's when are growing up need a parent at home. I would like to be some day a home-mom.
PS: Sorry for my bad grammar

Kappa Prep said...

I too would like to someday be a mom if that is part of my life's plan. I want my children to have the type of mother I had. It is important for me to raise my children, not a school or a daycare. I am on the mommy bandwagon!

RachelSmiles said...

i totally agree with you. my mom stayed at home with me and my brother and we def. wouldnt have turned out the same if she hadnt. i fully plan on staying at home. i am lucky enough to also have a job that would allow me to work from also if i still needed to. (i'm a technical writer, so all i need is a computer)

i pass no judgment on anyone else and they shouldnt pass any either.